UNIVERSAL CONFEDERACY OF GALAXIES
DEPARTMENT OF HEALTH.
DIVISION OF VITAL RECORDS
Name of the deceased: Humanity.
Other names of the deceased: Humankind. Homo sapiens. All people from planet 7Qx-Tlonk (Earth).
Age: 160,000 years plus one day.
Birthplace: Somewhere in Africa, near a small brook with clear water and a bed of pebbles. A placenta left over the rocks.
Ever in the armed forces?: Yes. From the Caldeo-Asyrian times to present, continually chanting war songs. Obsessed with dying for the Fatherland on the battlefield. Haunted by ideas of gnomes, apparitions and World Wars.
Name of ancestors: Rock Thrower Homo erectus and Straw Picker Homo habilis. Overworked Homo ergaster.
Occupation of ancestors: Reciprocal stoning for non transcendental reasons. Constant mating.
Place of death: Entire surface of planet 7Qx-Tlonk (Earth). Five continents.
Manner of death: Mutual nuclear attack in different directions after generalized binge drinking and too much ancestral war wailing.
Date of death: Recently. A few minutes ago.
Name of cemetery where entombment will be carried out: None. Unneeded. Without cosmic significance.
Name of gravediggers: Not applicable. Not needed.
Immediate cause of death: Atomic explosions. Multiple and reciprocal. Despite of iron dome counter-rocket systems use.
Underlying cause of death: Human foolishness. As a consequence of extreme arrogance, immoderate patriotism, outrageous idealism, human estultitia, utmost megalomania, undue emotional immaturity and severe delusion of grandeur.
I hereby certify the above to be the original Death Certificate filed in this office.
Certifier: Ahura Mazda.
Name of informants: Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse with their horses, bloody swords, plagues, famine, bows and weighing scales.
Present condition of Human species: Extinct. Millions and millions of radioactive contaminated skeletons and beyond recognition burnt bodies, among billion and billions of empty bottles of gin, rum, whisky and vodka, abandoned on the surface of planet 7Qx-Tlonk (Earth). Failed evolution experiment. Almighty's regret. Study material for archaeologists, with their enormous heads, from remote galaxies of the universe, equipped with their own Geiger counter. Non important for the rest of the universe.
For a copy of this Certificate mail application with payment of one silver dhamma to:
VITAL RECORDS REQUEST
Postal code: XTE32456074AZ656767XZ876ADX
LETS WORK TOGETHER SO THAT THIS CERTIFICATE SHALL NEVER BE WRITTEN
Author of The Butcher of Lyon and
El danzarín de las Fiestas del Tayta Shanti
To acquire a copy: